Insomnia, incontinence, aggressive behavior and unpredictable moments became a normal way of life for my ninety-two-year-old father. Brain failure, commonly known as Dementia, was debilitating him. Although he was unaware of his down-sloping transition, I agonized knowing I had to move him from our home into a long-term care facility.
I didn’t want to step out of the boat during this emotional storm and trust God’s direction.
“But the boat was already a long distance from the land, battered by the waves; for the wind was contrary,” (Matthew 14:24 New American Standard).
“ … Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus,” (Matthew 14:29 NASB).
I wanted to be like the apostle Peter, and step out of the boat in the midst of uncertainty, but I was struggling for courage and feared I would drown in an ocean of guilt. Suddenly, I found myself out of the boat. No, I didn’t step out of the boat; my boat capsized.
My dad became worse, and I watched him lose more of his mental health, I didn’t want to “walk on water.” I wanted to go back to the shore. I wanted him the way he was, but instead only memories lingered.
I stopped writing for a couple of months. No blogging, no articles, no journaling. Caregiving was all-consuming even though my husband and twenty-six-year-old daughter helped. Sometimes it took all three of us to handle the unexpected situations.
Amid the chaos, God spoke to my heart: a whisper within the noise of my mind. I realized that my out of the boat faith meant I needed to let go. I needed to find a place of peace that could only come with faith. God was teaching me how to walk on water and experience out of the boat faith.
Out of the boat faith is learning to let go and faith defeats fear. (Click to Tweet) Our fear can anchor us at the shore or leave us drifting in a boat going nowhere. (Click to Tweet) Only Jesus can hold us up during life’s turbulent seasons and bring us to a place of peace. He doesn’t always calm the storm, but He helps us walk through the storm.
Prayer: May God continue to give you peace in the midst of your storms. Thank you for being God’s vessel during life’s hardest lessons.
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New American Standard Bible : 1995 Update. LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.